Why Teaching Children Was Easier Than Parenting Them — and Why I Had to Translate Play for Home

Before we go any further, I want to name where this perspective comes from — because it didn’t begin in theory.

I came into parenting as an early childhood teacher, quietly confident that this part of life would feel familiar. I had supported rooms full of babies. I had guided groups of preschoolers with vastly different needs, emotions, and rhythms. I understood development. I understood behaviour. I understood children.

Or so I thought.

Becoming a parent showed me very quickly how different it feels when the responsibility is constant, personal, and emotionally loaded. The expectations felt heavier. The mental load followed me everywhere. Even everyday decisions - routines, stimulation, social commitments - felt louder and harder to untangle. Things that once felt intuitive suddenly felt foggy.

For a while, it unsettled me. Not because I didn’t care - but because caring so deeply changed everything.

When that fog began to lift, I realised something important: the knowledge that worked so beautifully in early learning settings hadn’t disappeared. It simply hadn’t been translated for life at home.

So I began doing exactly that. Taking the play-based principles that supported calm, regulated, capable children in classrooms, and reshaping them into gentle, realistic understandings for families. Not to add more to parents’ plates, but to help the day flow more easily - for children and for the adults caring for them.

And I realised this too: if I was struggling to piece this together, with years of experience and professional understanding, then many parents must be getting by without ever being shown how the basics could actually work in their favour.

That’s where this work begins.

Why parenting feels harder at home than in early learning settings

In early learning environments, play is protected.

It’s given time.
It’s intentionally resourced.
It’s observed rather than constantly directed.

Educators understand that play is the work of childhood - not a break from it.

At home, play is expected to happen around everything else. Between meals, messages, errands, appointments, and adult responsibilities. Parents are told play should be enriching, purposeful, safe, social, educational, and engaging, often all at once.

When children struggle to settle into play, the pressure often turns inward.

What’s missing isn’t effort.
It’s translation.

What early childhood educators understand about play that parents are rarely told

Play is how children regulate, not just how they learn

Play supports emotional balance, nervous system regulation, focus, and flexibility. When play is limited or rushed, children seek regulation in other ways - often through behaviour that feels demanding or disruptive.

Children need uninterrupted time to settle

Deep play doesn’t happen instantly. It unfolds slowly. In classrooms, we protect long stretches of uninterrupted play because we know regulation comes after the settling phase.

Adult presence matters — without directing

Children play best when they feel emotionally secure but not managed. Being nearby, predictable, and calm supports play far more than constant involvement.

Behaviour always makes sense in context

In early childhood settings, behaviour is viewed through a wide lens: environment, transitions, sensory load, emotional demands. At home, behaviour is often taken personally - but it doesn’t need to be.

Play as regulation: the missing link in understanding behaviour

When play is understood as a regulatory need, behaviour starts to make sense.

Clinginess, restlessness, frequent interruptions, emotional outbursts - these aren’t signs of failure. They’re signals that regulation hasn’t happened yet.

Children don’t misbehave because they lack discipline.
They struggle when their nervous system needs support.

Play provides that support.

Why independent play doesn’t come from encouragement or praise

Independent play isn’t taught. It emerges.

It grows when children feel:

• emotionally safe

• developmentally capable

• free from performance pressure

• unhurried and uninterrupted

Encouragement and praise can actually interrupt the process. What children need most is time and trust.

When parents stop asking “How do I get my child to play on their own?” and start asking “What might be getting in the way?” everything softens.

Translating play-based learning into everyday family life

This is the heart of my work.

Not telling parents what to do, but helping them see what’s already happening.

Translation looks like:

• understanding why fewer toys can support deeper play

• recognising boredom as part of regulation, not a problem

• knowing when adult help supports play - and when it interrupts it

• noticing how development shifts play needs over time

When parents understand why play matters, they don’t need rigid rules. They adapt naturally.

How this shift changed my parenting confidence

When I stopped managing behaviour and started supporting regulation through play, parenting felt steadier.

Not perfect.
But calmer.
More grounded.

I trusted myself again.
I trusted my child.
And I stopped second-guessing every moment.

Confidence didn’t come from having all the answers - it came from having a lens to look through and make decisions, rather than intervene or manage.

Why I created Play Talks

Play Talks exists to offer that lens.

It’s not about fixing behaviour or pushing independence.
It’s about understanding what children are communicating through play — and what they need beneath the surface.

Play Talks supports parents to:

• understand behaviour as communication

• see play as regulation

• feel confident responding without pressure

• stop doing more, and start seeing differently

It’s for the tired, thoughtful mum who doesn’t need another strategy - just clarity.

A different starting point

This work doesn’t begin with changing children.

It begins with understanding them.

And often, with reclaiming confidence parents didn’t realise they’d lost.

You might also like:

Is This Normal? Understanding Child Behaviour Through Play

The 3 Ways I Support Independent Play (Without Entertaining My Child All Day): A play-based perspective from an early childhood teacher for calmer days at home

Slow Parenting…. But What If You Have A Fast Life? Decoding Behaviour as Emotional Regulation for Busy Families