Is This Normal? Understanding Child Behaviour Through Play

I’ve heard this question more times than I can count.

Usually it’s asked quietly, at the end of the day.
Sometimes in the doorway at pick-up.
Sometimes in a half-laugh that’s really covering exhaustion.

“Is this… normal?”

It’s asked after a long day of big emotions and bigger behaviours. After toys have been thrown, cushions climbed, and patience worn thin. After feeling constantly needed, touched, and talked to. After walking back into a house that’s already messy, knowing you’ll do it all again tomorrow.

And almost always, it’s asked with a mix of worry and self-doubt.

Because when behaviour feels relentless at home - even if your child seems calm and capable elsewhere - it can make you wonder if you’re missing something. Or doing something wrong.

You’re not.

Why This Question Comes Up So Often

Parents usually start asking “Is this normal?” when behaviour feels intense or confusing.

It might feel constant, like the same behaviour shows up again and again.
It might feel unpredictable, calm one moment, chaotic the next.
Or it might feel different from what you expected parenting to look like.

Often, it’s also different from what parents see at childcare or preschool, which can be especially unsettling.

Common behaviours that spark this question include throwing toys or food, climbing furniture, repeating the same action over and over, needing constant attention, or struggling to play independently.

What’s often missing from these moments isn’t better discipline strategies or firmer boundaries.

It’s understanding.

Because behaviour in early childhood is rarely random.

What Educators See That Parents Often Don’t

In early learning settings, educators aren’t usually asking, “How do we stop this behaviour?”

Instead, they’re asking:
What is this child practising?
What pattern keeps showing up?
What does their body or brain need right now?

This is one reason behaviour can appear calmer in care than at home. The environment is intentionally set up to support children’s natural play urges. Movement is expected. Repetition is allowed. Big bodies are planned for.

At home, parents are doing something much harder - juggling meals, work, siblings, household tasks, and their own exhaustion - often without this developmental lens.

So the same child, with the same needs, can look very different in these two spaces.

Behaviour as Communication Through Play

Young children don’t have the words to explain what they’re feeling or what they’re working through. Instead, they communicate through their bodies and their play.

Throwing is often about exploring movement, power, and cause and effect.
Climbing builds body confidence, balance, and spatial awareness.
Repeating actions helps regulate the nervous system and create predictability.
Constant check-ins are often about connection and reassurance.

When behaviour is seen as communication rather than defiance, it stops feeling personal. And when it stops feeling personal, parents can respond more calmly and clearly.

Why Behaviour Often Feels Harder at Home

Home is where children feel safest to release everything they’ve been holding together all day.

At home, play urges aren’t always met in the way children need. Quiet toys are offered when big movement is required. Parents are busy - because real life is busy. And children often seek connection through behaviour when words aren’t enough.

None of this means something is going wrong.

It usually means a play or regulation need hasn’t been fully met yet.

Why Stopping Behaviour Often Makes It Louder

When a child’s urge to move, repeat, climb, or explore is cut short without being satisfied, the behaviour often doesn’t disappear - it escalates.

It shows up later.
It shows up louder.
And usually at the most inconvenient times.

This is why adding more rules doesn’t always help, distraction only works briefly, and calm can feel impossible to maintain.

Understanding behaviour doesn’t remove boundaries. It helps parents respond with intention instead of constant reaction.

What Changes When Parents Understand Play Patterns

When parents begin to look at behaviour through play and development, something shifts.

Repetition starts to make sense.
Reactions soften.
Confidence grows.
Independent play becomes easier to support.

And perhaps most importantly, parents begin to trust themselves again.

This isn’t about doing more.
It’s about seeing differently.

A Gentle Reframe for Parents

If you’ve been asking, “Is this normal?”
Often the answer is: Yes. And it’s telling you something important.

You don’t need to manage behaviour better.
You need the lens to understand what your child is working on.

This play-based perspective is one early childhood educators use every day - and parents can use it too.

🌿 Start with understanding.
Download the Free Play & Behaviour Mini-Reference Guide - a calm, parent-friendly introduction to understanding behaviour through play and emotional regulation.

Because when behaviour makes sense, parenting feels lighter.

You might also like:

The 3 Ways I Support Independent Play (Without Entertaining My Child All Day)

Slow Parenting…. But What If You Have A Fast Life? Decoding Behaviour as Emotional Regulation for Busy Families

Why Your Child Keeps Throwing Things (And Why It’s Not Bad Behaviour)