The 3 Ways I Support Independent Play (Without Entertaining My Child All Day): A play-based perspective from an early childhood teacher for calmer days at home

If you feel like your child needs you all day long, you’re not alone.

Many parents I speak to quietly ask the same questions:
Why won’t they play by themselves?
Why does independent play seem to work everywhere else but at home?
Am I doing something wrong?

As an early childhood teacher, I used to see children play independently for long stretches in care settings, and then hear parents say it felt completely different at home.

The truth is, it is different at home.
And that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Independent play isn’t something children are taught through instructions or routines. It’s something that grows when children feel understood, connected, and supported in the kind of play their body and brain are actually seeking.

Here are the three ways I support independent play - without planning endless activities, rotating toys constantly, or entertaining all day.

1. I Learn to Read Play Urges (Before Trying to “Fix” the Play)

One of the biggest shifts I made - both professionally and at home - was learning to read what kind of play my child was actually asking for.

When play breaks down, parents often respond with:

• a new toy

• a different activity

• stepping in to help

• redirecting the behaviour

But often, the issue isn’t the child - it’s a mismatch between the play offered and the play urge underneath.

For example:

• A child throwing toys might be exploring movement or cause and effect

• A child dumping baskets could be practising organising and deconstructing

• A child climbing furniture may be seeking whole-body movement

• A child lining things up might be working through ordering and patterning

When we offer quiet toys to a child who needs movement, or puzzles to a child with a throwing urge, play falls apart quickly - and parents end up feeling needed all day.

When play matches the urge, children stay with it longer.
They don’t need constant input.
They don’t need entertaining.

This is one of the core ideas behind Play Talks and The Play Behaviours Decoding Method - helping parents understand behaviour and play through the same lens early childhood teachers use, adapted for real life at home.

2. I Use Routines and Care Moments to Fill the Emotional Cup

Independent play doesn’t start with separation - it starts with connection.

Children are far more likely to play independently when their emotional needs have already been met. At home, that connection often comes through everyday routines, not “special playtime.”

Things like:

• cooking together

• folding laundry side by side

• unpacking groceries

• setting the table

• helping with simple household tasks

These moments matter more than we realise.

When children feel included, seen, and connected during care moments, they don’t need to pull us back in through play quite so often. Their “watch me” needs soften, and independent play follows naturally.

This isn’t about being hands-off.
It’s about being present first.

3. I Reduce Toys and Increase Open-Ended Materials

This one can feel surprising, especially in homes filled with toys.

More toys doesn’t usually lead to more independent play. In fact, it often leads to:

• shorter attention spans

• constant switching

• more adult help

• more mess with less engagement

What supports independent play far better is fewer, open-ended materials that allow children to repeat, explore, and stay with their ideas.

Things like:

• bowls, containers, and lids

• baskets and boxes

• scarves or fabric pieces

• household items

• recycled materials

These materials don’t tell children what to do. They invite experimentation - and that’s where independent play grows.

The right materials don’t keep children “busy.”
They support the work their body and brain are already trying to do.

What I Don’t Do (And Why)

I don’t aim for:

• silent play

• perfectly tidy spaces

• long stretches without interruption

Independent play doesn’t mean no connection, no mess, or no support.

It means play that makes sense to the child. Play they can return to, build on, and explore without constant adult input.

Independent Play Isn’t a Skill — It’s a Relationship

When children feel understood, play settles.
When play settles, parents feel calmer.
When things make sense, confidence grows.

That’s why Play Talks isn’t a parenting style or set of rules.

It’s a lens. A way to understand what your child is communicating through play, so you can respond with clarity instead of guessing.

If you’re tired of feeling needed all day and want independent play to feel calmer and more natural, Play Talks was made for you.

A calm, parent-friendly way to understand play, behaviour, and independence - without pressure or perfection.