When Your Child “Destroys” Their Play — It’s Not What You Think

Every morning, the train track was set up. We thought it was their favourite thing.

Carefully connected.
Trains lined up.
Bridges balanced just right.

And every morning, within minutes, it was “ruined”.

Tracks pulled apart.
Carriages carried into other rooms.
Pieces scattered across the house.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Many parents find themselves wondering:

• Why won’t my child just play with it properly?

• Why do they always pull things apart?

• Why does every activity end in mess?

As a parent we need to stop and ask some questions, because “What if this isn’t destruction at all?”

A Different Way of Looking at Your Child’s Behaviour

When we stop asking “How do I stop this?”
and start asking “What is my child learning through this?”

everything shifts.

What often looks like chaos is actually a play pattern, a repeated way children explore how the world works.

The train tracks weren’t being ruined.
They were being investigated in a way that made sense to my child.

Children were:

• pulling pieces apart to explore how things disconnect

• carrying parts around to understand movement and space

• rebuilding, crashing, and repeating the same actions again and again

Not to annoy you.
Not to be careless.
But because their brain needed that repetition.

The behaviour didn’t change - the understanding did.
And with that understanding came much more calm.

Movement, Carrying, Pulling Apart: What’s Really Going On?

Many common “challenging” behaviours at home fall into a few key play patterns.

Connecting & Building (and Pulling Apart)

Children are driven to explore:

• how things connect

• how they come apart

• what happens when they change something

At home, this often looks like:

• pulling apart train tracks

• separating magnetic tiles or Duplo

• knocking down towers they just built

• removing pieces from sets and carrying them elsewhere

This is not defiance or purposely messy.

It’s your child learning cause and effect.

Carrying & Gathering

When your child:

• fills their pockets with toys

• carries objects from room to room

• piles items into bags, baskets, or boxes

They’re practising coordination, planning, and understanding space.

It’s purposeful, even when it’s inconvenient.

Why This Understanding Changes Everything at Home

When parents understand play patterns:

• behaviour feels less personal

• frustration softens

• expectations become more realistic

• the home environment feels calmer

Your child isn’t trying to undo your efforts.
They’re following an internal developmental urge.

Once you see that, it becomes easier to respond without constant correction.

How to Support These Play Patterns at Home

Instead of planning for toys to stay perfect, plan for how children actually play.

You might try:

• choosing toys that can be connected and pulled apart easily

• expecting mess during play — and designing for it

• offering baskets or containers for carrying

• providing duplicates when possible to reduce conflict

• pausing to observe before stepping in

When children are allowed to follow their natural play patterns, they often become more settled, not more chaotic.

Because their brain is finally getting to do the work it’s asking for.

The Real Shift Isn’t the Toys, It’s the Lens

The train tracks weren’t the problem.
And your child isn’t either.

Once you understand why your child keeps repeating certain behaviours, those same moments start to look different:

• more predictable

• more meaningful

• far less stressful

When we change how we see our children, we change how supported they feel, and how confident we feel as parents.

And that’s where calm really begins.

Want to Understand Your Child’s Behaviour Without Second-Guessing Yourself?

I was lucky enough to learn these things through my professional work in early childhood. And what made sense in the classroom also made sense at home. If you’d like help decoding what your child’s behaviour is communicating, and learning how to respond calmly and confidently at home, Play Talks: Calmly Understanding Your Child’s Behaviour walks you through it step by step, using real-life examples and parent-friendly language.